I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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