Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
3pm strippers are depressing
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
