my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
