Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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