Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize