I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
