a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
