This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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