Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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