I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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