I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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