I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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