I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
