I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
