I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
