I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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