I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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