So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
BRING THE BAGELS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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