I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
