from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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