he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
