i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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