dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
