can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize