found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
