I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love having hate sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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