I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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