Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
