I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Panties = found
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
