Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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