I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
