I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
