If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
