areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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