Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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