i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
