She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
