I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
