i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Randomize
