Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk is not a location!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
