Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
