You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
