I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
