Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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