I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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