Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
