omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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