i was rollin on her like bob the builder
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
