I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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