P.S. I can't hear my feet
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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