Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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