Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
