New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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