Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
