i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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