His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
