Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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