Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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