3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
