Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
