I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
