The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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