What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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