Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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