i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
