so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
