Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
