She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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