Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
