Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize