so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
