Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
