Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
