He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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