never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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