Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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