Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
