You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
