I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
