Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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