True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
