I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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