He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
